Merry Christmas

25 12 2009

Another year although I didn’t have a blog last time so don’t know the etiquette of wishing people I do not know a happy holiday which they may not celebrate.  Oh well, wishing a Merry Christmas to both my readers and offer a couple of jokes you won’t find in your festive crackers.

***

Bob gets invited to a fancy dress party where the theme is ’emotions.’  Worried about what to dress as, he rings his mate Keith to discuss it.  “Don’t worry,” says Keith, “I know what we can do.”

On Friday night, they stand at the doorstep of the party and ring the bell.

The host answers the door to find Bob totally naked with a bowl of custard over his privates, and Keith with a pear over his plonker.  “What are you two meant to be?” asks the host. “I’m f**kin’ dis’custard,” says Bob. “And I’ve come in dis’pear!” says Keith.

***

Two priests ride bikes to church every Sunday.  One day, one of the priests shows up to work without his bike.  The other priest asks where it is, and the first says, “I don’t know, but I think it got stolen!” The other priest says, “What you should do is read the Ten Commandments to people, and when you get to ‘Thou shalt not steal,’ someone will confess to the crime.”

The next time the two see each other the priest has his bicycle back.  “I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?” one priest says.  The other replies, “Kind of. When I was reading the commandments and got to, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” I remembered where I’d left it!”

***

Merry Christmas one and all, even to the people I don’t like.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

2 responses

25 12 2009
25 12 2009

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: