Halal Meat | Finally, a need for PETA

28 09 2010

Eating meat is a luxury that once upon a time, many of us plebs could ill afford, hence the saying, bringing home the bacon.  Considering that malnutrition was the most common form of early death back in those dark days, never understood the reasoning behind the celebrity-studded People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Yet now I have found a cause for the too-much-time-on-their-hands-so-need-to-do-something-charity-conscious celebrity to champion.

Halal and Kosher ritually slaughtered meat production and the imposition of it by stealth on the general population.

Although sadly, I doubt many of the celebrities in film or pop will wish to complain about their Bosses’ kosher meals.  Still, seeing how most Fashioned Workers are God hating gay blokes or dog ugly old hags, am sure this is a cause they would champion.

Of course we must respect religious practices but how far do we go?  If we continue to allow Halal and Kosher meat to circumnavigate our laws regarding the unnecessary pain and suffering caused to livestock, what happens when the African Voodoo Priest wishes to circumcise young girls nether regions?  How about a Polynesian family’s wish to carry on cannibal?  Okay, something less parodic, the cultural practices of certain ethnic minorities who are partial to a bit of swan?  Or the family practice of ‘keeping it in the family’ as some caravan dwelling families prove with their elongated foreheads?

Sure, whatever floats your boat should be an overriding principle in most matters, but not when they are literally cruel and inhumane and above all, give the corporate slaughter-house reason to do away with the cost of stunning the animals.

If we don’t maintain standards, is it any wonder they fall?  And anyhow, how come the Jewish and Muslim contingent just pray at the table like most other faiths?  (Rhetorical question, I already know, it’s cos they’re ‘special’)

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Koran burning | Criminal offence I think not

28 09 2010

Burn a Koran and post the contents on a video sharing site, get arrested.  Butcher hundreds of thousands in wars of aggression, inviting the ‘enemy’ to claim asylum, bursting the damn hornet’s nest, get round the clock protection.

No wonder mental health problems arise when the world is run for the perversion of the few to the irritation of the many.

We are constantly reminded, especially when they’re burning our national flag, of how peace-loving those who follow the ways of Madhammered the murderous prophet.  Kane kicked the crap out of his brother (or was it the other way round?), Christ died on the cross to be resurrected (only to disappear again), then a few hundred years after all that feuding and self-sacrifice, Muslim’s First Holy Warrior wanders out of the desert to ‘convert’ Christian and Jewish lands into Islamic lands.

It isn’t rocket science to deduce what this conversion involved, considering that conversion by the sword was the most popular choice for tinpots at that time, be it for religious or political reasons.

So why the continual bullcrap proclaiming that everything to do with Islam is all peachy and rosy with white doves flapping around.  It isn’t and hasn’t been since it’s inception.  As I’ve stated before, Islam needs a reformation, a renaissance of her own making, if only to make them accept that tolerance is a two-way street.

Until then, why should we even bother trying to engage a mindset so besieged by prejudice?  For the love of oil?  For that warm feeling we get inside from patronising others?





Joke | Marriage in Heaven

27 09 2010

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident.
They then find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them to Heaven.  While waiting, they begin to wonder:  Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.  St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. But this is the first time anyone has asked this question. So let me go find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited.  Two months passed and the couple are still waiting.

As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all…    “‘What if it doesn’t work?’ they wondered, ‘Are we stuck together forever?’

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.  ‘Yes,’ he informs them “you can get married in Heaven.”

‘Great!’ said the couple, …”but we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out?…. Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.    What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here!  Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!’





Jokes | Islamic Rain

26 09 2010

A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief. It’s called, “Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed.”

The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of bodies is unbearable. They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.

There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated.

Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.Never has the term, “Not enough hours in the day” been more appropriate!

A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, “Mummy, I don’t want to be a lesbian when I grow up!” Her mother says, “What makes you think you’ll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?”

I fostered a Muslim child yesterday….. all four cans hit him on the head!

I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber jacket. Touchy bastards!





Joke | Atheist Holy Heaven

23 09 2010

An atheist was walking through the woods.

‘What majestic trees!

‘What powerful rivers!

‘What beautiful animals!

He said to himself.

Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could along the path.

He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer, and then, he tripped and fell.

Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him reaching towards him with its left paw and raising the right paw to strike.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, ‘Oh my God!’

Time stopped,

the bear froze,

the forest was silent,

A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky.

“You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident?  Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

… a pause …

“Very well,” said the voice …

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed, and the bear brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke,”Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.”





White History Month | Government’s response

18 09 2010

Just received an email from Her Majesty’s Government regarding the petitioned White History Month malarky some British soul created a dozen moons ago.  Even then I knew the stooges would knock it back with a set-piece of bullcrap.

The Government vision is of a fair society where there are no barriers to participation or ambition based on race, colour or ethnicity. Only by giving everyone the opportunity to succeed can we build a better future for everybody in Britain.

The Government is not responsible for Black History month. This is, rather, a community led initiative which has developed since the mid-eighties, and individual organisations take part on a voluntary basis. Its benefits are that it raises awareness of the, often unknown, Black contribution to our shared history, for example, that Africans and Asians and their descendants have been living in Britain for the last 500 years and also made a major contribution in the Second World War. By focusing on what people have in common, as well as recognising the value of diversity, we can foster a shared sense of belonging and a shared sense of the future.

In schools, the existing National Curriculum programme of study for history requires pupils to be taught a substantial amount of British history. The Government is currently reviewing the national curriculum and has announced its intention to reduce the amount of central prescription in the way that schools teach their pupils. The Secretary of State for Education has expressed his intention to return to a more narrative approach to British History.

Let’s break that down:

“The Government vision is of a fair society where there are no barriers to participation or ambition based on race, colour or ethnicity. Only by giving everyone the opportunity to succeed can we build a better future for everybody in Britain.”

meansWe say, you do, it’s for your own good.

“The Government is not responsible for Black History month. This is, rather, a community led initiative which has developed since the mid-eighties, and individual organisations take part on a voluntary basis…”

means:  Don’t blame Us, blame those We enticed here.

“… Its benefits are that it raises awareness of the, often unknown, Black contribution to our shared history, for example, that Africans and Asians and their descendants have been living in Britain for the last 500 years and also made a major contribution in the Second World War. By focusing on what people have in common, as well as recognising the value of diversity, we can foster a shared sense of belonging and a shared sense of the future.”

means:  We support it in shaping the minds of future Britons.

“In schools, the existing National Curriculum programme of study for history requires pupils to be taught a substantial amount of British history. The Government is currently reviewing the national curriculum and has announced its intention to reduce the amount of central prescription in the way that schools teach their pupils. The Secretary of State for Education has expressed his intention to return to a more narrative approach to British History.”

means:  here’s a crumb to satisfy your cravings, and not a bite more.

If they couldn’t tell the truth that a month wouldn’t be long enough to chronicle the Anglo-Saxon and Celt tale, instead of the Government-sponsored waffle, a simple no would have sufficed.





JSA | Official suckler of the Government’s tit

16 09 2010

Today, I signed on the line on several forms at the local Job Centre Plus, waited two hours, all to be told to come back two weeks periodically thereof.  Something that could have been done in twenty, thirty minutes max is dragged out over two hours.

Well, apart from the horrible colour scheme consisting all the rejected colours from the rainbow with the matching furniture, the ever-present mob of NuBritons and then the legal requirements of being spoken to as if you’re a ten-year old, it was a pleasant experience.  Afterall, had a bit of pie mash when released, so not all bad.

Problem is, I’m looking at the work available thinking ‘yah’ but when I glance at the coinage offered, burp in the most noisy fashion ‘heck no’.

Have to find something soon though, the thought of having to sit in that hellish office again with the Best of Peckham gives me a rash.

And no, I don’t need suggestions, I have a plan.  Actually, I’ve a dozen plans, up to ‘Plan M’ but that’s besides the point.  All I need for now is a legal wage, otherwise how else could I hide my illicit earnings from Her Majesty?